A new day. A fresh me! Bewakoofi!!

Kuch bhi!!!

Yaar..I am so done.

Aur upar se yeh pharmac lecture, pura sar ke upar se ja raha hai.

Jinhone yeh drugs ke naam rakhe hai na, woh jo jubaan par aaye woh rakh dete the kya? Pronounce tak nahi ro raha mhujse, yaad toh kaise hi karungi, bappa hi jaane.

(This pharmac lecture, everything is going above my head. The ones who kept the names of these drugs seriously kept whatever came in their mouth.

I can't even pronounce them correctly, how will I even remember, only bappa knows.)

Nahi, I wasn't listening to the lecture. Ab yehi sach hai!

Mei journal complete kar rahi thi, par by mistake meri nazar lecturer ki slide par gayi, and I am traumatized now.

Okay, you can't be judging me now, matlab more than half of the class does every other work rather than paying attention. And I am one among those halves.

(This is the truth. I was completing my journal, but by mistake I looked at the slide.)

Nevertheless,no one can blame us either.

The thing is, hume class ka kuch samaj to aata nahi, and at the end of the day, we individually have to make our selves learn all of this on our own, so paying attention is of no major use.

(We can never understand anything from the class.)

Neither am I a topper who understands stuff in a go.

Not like I wasn't one ever.

I mean yeah, I was a topper, once upon a time.

But time changes, and it changed me into a average, introverted, girl who has a very low confidence and gets scared of trivial matters and scores enough to pass the semesters.

But, it's fine.

I guess it's the process.

And I am better this way. Away from all the attention.

After this lecture we have Clinics.

Finally the most awaited Surgery postings are starting.

Though we have introductory classes for the first two days, but it's fine.

After the medicine postings, these one's are really a big relief.

Okay, you must be wondering, why medicine postings are so much thrashed.

Well, the professors there are hard nuts, they simply shout, that too in front of the patients. I mean, kuch toh izzat hote humari, lekin nahi!

(I mean, atleast give us some respect. But no.)

And.. And.. And.. We had a very fair amount of shoutings and taunts, so yeah, we didn't like it much there.

But, all the batches who are done with surgery, says that this department is pretty chilled, and good going. So.. Looking forward to it, for sure.

And.. Not to forget, the fact that my friends have hyped about.

That the surgeons are pretty handsome.

I mean.. Dekhenge.

I turned to look to my right. Sara. She is sleeping like a log.

On my left, was Kriti, who too was sleeping like there's no tomorrow, her head falling sideways.

The professor who was taking the lecture didn't care a bit as I looked around to see the students being busy in their own world.

Finally as the attendance happened, we were left.

Our batch, Unit 1 for surgery, was all ready.

We walked to the demonstration room. Sara and I lazily walking behind the rest.

Dekho, subah subah mhujme waise bhi energy nahi hoti.

(See I don't have energy early in the morning.)

A class of three hours was ahead of us.

A young professor,of approximately 36-38 years entered inside, as he began with the basics.

"36-38! ", a said beneath the mask.

" Nahi yaar..young lag raha hai! 34! ", Sara huffed. I turned my neck to her in a millisecond.

(No dude.. He looks young. 34!)

This tone. This tone is what she uses when she is on the verge of developing a crush.

Believe me with the speed that I turned my neck, I wouldn't have been surprised if I develope a sprain in my neck.

She showed me those twinkling eyes of her, knowing it very well that I understood what was going on inside her mind.

Well, If you guys actually seem to take all of this seriously, then let me just clear it to you all.

All my friends are chill. And we all are very specific when it comes to the topic of love.

All this crushes thing are just superficial stuff for all of them, and since we are the birds of the same flock we know it very well.

Like, even if they say that this particular person is their crush, it isn't the CRUSH CRUSH wala CRUSH.

It's just the Crush Crush wala Crush. Samjha?

Matlab aise serious wala nahi hota.. It's just kehne ki baatein kind of. And none of them do actually look forward to have a relationship with their crushes or stuff.

We all are scared of relationship to be honest.

Sara, herself, had been in a relationship for just once, in her school time and it rendered her not to ever fall in that trap again.

So the crushes over here, are the happy go lucky kinda.

And this is what I envy. I actually can't have those Happy go lucky crushes.

Matlab, sach kahu toh mhuje aaj tak kisi pe crush hua hi nahi. I mean, yeah obviously, leaving the book crushes that we all have.

But after all that happened, I don't even talk to the opposite gender that frankly.

(Truly speaking, I never had any crush, in real!)

Anshuman. My Ex.

Yeah, the only person I dated in my entire life. It wasn't love.

We were school mates. Our friends, batchmates used to ship us together, and I don't know why, like seriously why I accepted his proposal. It didn't last. And I am happy that it didn't.

We were together for two months or so.

And he wasn't what I deserved.

I know that's a harsh statement to use, but it's the truth. In the duration of two months he made me believe that I am good for nothing. For him, my insecurities were something to be made fun of.

Yes, I feared speaking in the public and he used to belittle me on that.

I still clearly remember how he asked, "Aawaz to chutegi na teri? ",with a chuckle, when I told him that I was to participate in a drama team of our college.

(You'll be able to even speak na?)

I,myself called it off.

Even before that, I wasn't much self confident I agree.

But after that, I had no ounce of Self confidence left in me. And now, I can't even talk to a person rather than my people, that freely.

No I am not blaming Anshuman. It's just that, it wasn't meant to be. Me and He. It was such a bad thing to be real.

And moreover at points I feel, being  a book girl, I had those unrealistic book boyfriend wali expectations, which didn't get fulfilled. Obviously.

So, yeah, may be it was me, who was just expecting too much.

But will I be bad if I say that I didn't feel anything on the break up. No sadness at all.

Mhuje toh move on bhi nahi karna pada.

(I didn't even had to move on.)

Anyways, after that incident I wasn't the same.

I didn't develop any crushes or so. And somewhere or the other I know the fact that if I develop a crush, it intensifies, I get way too much attached, so much so that I will get them in my dreams and stuff. Book boyfriends aate hai mere sapne mei. Toh agar koi jeeta jagta insaan pasand aayega, toh woh toh, beshak aayega sapno mei, dekhna.

(I get those book boyfriends in my dreams, so if I began to think about a real existing person, I surely get him in my dreams, and  then obsess over him.)

And neither did I meet someone worth falling for.

The sir called out over roll numbers. Wait a minute, it's just half an hour that passed na? I looked at my watch.

Yeah! I am right.

Waah yaar, jaldi off!

Surgery department is actually cool.

After the attendance, we were left.

But before exiting the demo room, I heard the same sir, speak on his mobile, "Ha, 𝙆𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙠.

I'll be there in five. Get the patient. "

𝙆𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙠, the name has built an uncommon hype for itself.

__________ __________________ _____________

My baby had a bad past. 🌼

It has seriously rendered her to be who she is at this point.

Her insecurities, timidness, her fears are a result of a lot of events.🦋

Well, what do you think about that one name.

He is everywhere naah? 👀

Baki,

Do vote and comment. 🫀

I await to read what you'll have to say. 🥰

Love Love. ❤